Business owner Kate Lowe, 48, of Swindon, has a one year old son, Elliot, with her husband Ben, 44. They also have Alex, nine years old.
Ben has two sons aged 16 and 18 from their first marriage and Kate has two sons who are now 26 and 23 years old from their first marriage.
When I hear about celebrities like Naomi Campbell having babies at 50, I think, “Good for her.” More women have babies later, and why shouldn’t they?
It annoys me when guys have young families in their sixties and seventies and nobody cares while women are judged as “old”.
I had my first two sons in their early twenties. Then my marriage broke up when I was 36.
When I met my second husband, Ben – who also had two children – we wanted a baby together. Fortunately, Alex came along when I was 39.
Then, in 2019, my period was late. I assumed I was perimenopausal, but it turned out I was pregnant.
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At 46 years old, I was more anxious this time because of the risk of chromosomal defects.
The chances of having a child with Down syndrome increases to 1 in 30, so we paid for a private, non-invasive test to check the baby’s DNA.
We discussed all contingencies and decided that having a special needs baby would not be fair since we already had five children.
Despite doctors’ warning of complications, Elliot arrived safely – and healthy – via a scheduled caesarean section in May 2020. It was the easiest of my births and Elliot has been a dream ever since.
I didn’t have any extra stretch marks, but boy did I feel more tired as an older mom. Waking up for two hours at forty is much more upsetting and my back hurts more from bending over the crib.
I was grumpier too. However, I knew from experience that the exhaustion would pass.
Breastfeeding was easy. I stopped with my other boys when I was six months old. With Elliot, since I know he will be my last, I still go. He’s a bosom monster and I’ll feed him until he wants to stop.
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Elliot’s big brothers all help look after him, so I have more support than when I was a young mother.
And I also know what I need – just a simple stroller with a newborn insert instead of the heavy carrycot / car seat combination that I had before. My back just couldn’t have taken it this time.
Organic baby food has improved tremendously these days, and video monitors are a godsend so I can see that Elliot is okay and I’m not in a rush every time he cries.
I use disposable diapers, but I’ve given up the disposable wipes in favor of eco-friendly, washable wipes.
I haven’t had any criticism of my decision to have a baby late, but when I sit in playgroups with younger mothers for the first time, we’re on a whole different side.
But there are plenty of other mothers in their forties too – it’s much more common now and there are supportive Facebook groups.
I was worried that by the time Elliot turns a teenager, I’ll be in my sixties and that he might lose me when he’s young, but my parents are both healthy in their seventies, and I hope I will too being. You have to live in the now.
If someone at the school gate confuses me with Elliot’s grandma, so what? I’ll smile and say, “No, I’m the mother.”
The best part about getting older is worrying less about what other people think.
They are often smarter, more financially secure and better positioned professionally. I feel younger than 48 anyway. I still have periods, but when menopause starts I’ll consider HRT.
I am for older women who have babies when they want. Don’t let age hold you back.
Louise McWhirter
Louise McWhirter, 33, with Myles and Cameron
Louise McWhirter, a 33-year-old shopping center consultant based in London, has two sons with her husband, Will, 35 – two-year-old Myles and two-month-old Cameron.
In my 20s, I fully embraced the London lifestyle. I worked all day before going out with friends and I enjoyed taking on very little responsibility. By the time I married Will at 29, I felt like I had outgrown partying and the hangover was over.
I had never been concerned about my fertility, so I was surprised that having children was not easy and unfortunately I miscarried. Myles was eventually conceived through IVF, but luckily I got pregnant naturally with Cameron.
When we were struggling to get pregnant, I thought that if I had tried sooner, I might not have had these problems. But now, blessed with my two sons, I know that we did everything when it was right for us.
Hearing boys laugh is my favorite thing in the world and I don’t get angry when I don’t go out so much. I took many selfish desires out of my system prior to motherhood and am mature enough to embrace life as a mother.
We are financially more stable than we were in our twenties and have bought our own apartment.
I loved my job and was at the height of my career when we started having a baby. It was my identity and I was scared of stepping back and continuing the industry without me.
But I really enjoyed my maternity leave and then began to worry that I wouldn’t be as passionate about my job as I was about motherhood. But I’ve found the right balance – interacting with other adults, but also appreciating every moment with my family.
It’s juggling, but at my age a lot of friends are set up in a similar way, so we support each other and watch our children grow up together.
Nicolle Birkin
Nicolle Birkin, 27, from Birmingham, with friend Paul and son Toby
Teaching assistant Nicolle Birkin, 27, from Birmingham, has sons Toby, five, and three-month-old Freddie with boyfriend Paul, 37.
I’ve always wanted to be a young mother. I love children and have a natural maternal instinct. But it was still a surprise to find out on Christmas Day that I was pregnant at 22.
I even asked my mom to read the pregnancy test as I was too scared to look. Although I was excited and felt ready – and happily getting together with Paul – I was afraid of the unknown and was afraid of being judged by others. But it felt like a natural step.
I’d had a bad relationship before so I knew Paul was the real deal. Plus he’s 10 years older so we didn’t want to wait.
But none of my friends had babies, so there was no one to talk to who understood me.
I was afraid that they would let me down. When I saw them being at home with the baby, socializing, going to university and traveling, I thought, “What if it is always like this?”
Toby with his little brother Freddie
But since Toby was the first baby in my friendship group, they all cared about him and it felt special. When I felt lonely, my friends would gather.
At 3 a.m. they were walking around town in skimpy clothes and I was comforting a crying baby. But we were there for each other anyway.
At first I lacked confidence and I often went to the doctors with Toby because I feared something was wrong. I didn’t go to baby groups because I feared I wouldn’t fit in. This time I’m much more relaxed with Freddie.
The best part about being a young mom is having the energy to play with my boys. I run around playgrounds and hop on the trampoline with them.
Even when I had a newborn baby, I was never exhausted. I lost my baby weight quickly and was back wearing my size 10 jeans within three weeks.
I’m Toby’s mom first, but we’re friends and we have a lot of fun too. If he goes to high school, I can relate to it because I went there myself not long ago.
I love to know that my family is complete and that I will hopefully be there for my boys for a long time to come.
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